creepywitchpoet (creepywitchpoet) wrote,
creepywitchpoet
creepywitchpoet

Fear

When someone asks me what I'm afraid of, I always say a fire. I never say, dentists. Just hold on a second and I'll explain, will you?  It all started when I was just a little kid. My mom is waiting in the dentist's office for me to be called back, but my mom isn't allowed to back there for some reason.   


I finally get called back there. I hesitantly followed the dental assistant back to the office. I tried to not get scared and cry, but I did cry.  I screamed for my mom. The dentist held my mouth shut. He held my mouth shut!  


“Shut up!”  


He took his hand away. That's when I started crying and screaming for my mom again.  


"Shut up! Your mother is not here! Be quiet! It'll be quicker if you just shut up." 


The dental assistant then took over. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to make me forget about what had just happened.  


  “Open,” she smiled. I bit down on the mirror.


"Are you biting my mirror?" She joked, making me laugh with her.   


My mom must have known something happened that day, but she never pried. Looking back, I wish she had asked me about it but to be fair, I put that horrible incident out of my mind and after that, my mom never made me go back to a dentist. Something I deeply regret.   


Years later, I'm always in pain and I don't feel. My mom convinces me to make an appointment to get my teeth fixed.   "I'm worried about you," she said.   



That's when I tell her the truth about what happened.  I only told her about the parts where he held my mouth shut.   “Why didn't you ever tell me that?”


"I don't know.  I guess I the experience was so traumatic, I willed myself to forget about it."  In all honesty,though, I didn't forget about it. I didn't forget about that horrible dentist.   


I finally booked the appointment.  I was a bundle of nerves that day, but everyone there was so kind and friendly. I think my oral surgeon's sense of humor put me at ease, too.   


I wouldn't say that my fear of dentists has evaporated, but I can go to an appointment without having a meltdown.  Yes, I still get nervous, but it's nowhere near as bad as it once was.   


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